My Core Lesson: Miracle Voices Podcast & Journey To ACIM

MIRACLE VOICES PODCAST APPEARANCE

I was recently invited onto the Miracle Voices podcast and interviewed by the wonderful co-hosts, Matt Macabe and Tam Morgan about how ACIM had come into my life. I have never spoken about my personal journey to the Course and the core lesson my experiences with forgiveness taught me. Given it’s been a while since I found it, I felt quite rusty recounting some of the circumstances that led me to it. In all honesty, I literally had to spend a few days trying to recall the story prior to the chat.

In many ways, that in itself was a reminder and testament to how effective forgiveness can be when studiously applied to our problems. At the time I found the Course, it would have been unimaginable to me that at some future point, I’d actually struggle to remember all the difficulties that led me to it. Back then, I had little, bordering on no hope that I could ever feel any different, or any better.

My purpose in telling my story was to highlight a few lessons from my experience that might be helpful to anyone listening- not just those who have specifically struggled with anorexia, disordered eating, depression, or anxiety. Nevertheless, it was only after we were done recording that I realized that I didn’t actually get around to mentioning the main ideas I had intended to bring up!

In the interests of tying up loose ends, I’ve decided to express in this article the biggest point I hoped my experience would help illustrate. So, if you’d like to know how my specific experience with applying the teachings of ACIM might be helpful to you, please read on. If you haven’t listened to the podcast and would like to do so first, you can click the link below to check it out:

Miracle Voices Podcast

FORGIVENESS WORKS- APPLY IT TO EVERYTHING

If you’ve listened to the podcast, you would have heard me describe the factors that were at play in my life in the lead up to finding ACIM. What may have been implied but I didn’t specifically say however, was that it was the Course’s teachings that helped me fully recover from anorexia, the yo-yoing disordered eating that followed it, and all the associated issues that accompanied it.

This was no small feat. Having an eating disorder for so long not only induced debilitating depression and anxiety, it also resulted in my inability to read and comprehend a single sentence, or construct one. It took a heavy toll not only on my physical, emotional and psychological health, but also decimated my cognitive faculties. Recovery felt like starting life again from total scratch. I had to relearn many basic aspects of functioning that I’d lost along my decent to rock bottom.

Nothing but ACIM really helped, so it is no stretch to say that it literally saved my life. Whether your life is on the line or not however, is beside the point. What is important is that if- or perhaps when– you’re going through a hard time, know that forgiveness will help. That is the core lesson I hope you will take away from my story.

There is no order of difficulty in miracles, for they are all the same. Each is a gentle winning over from the appeal of guilt to the appeal of love. (ACIM, T-19.IV-A.5:3-4)

It’s normal that the non-dualistic metaphysics that underpins forgiveness will typically sound entirely unrelatable to us. After all, we’re all having a conscious experience of being a body, so none of us really know we are the split mind, remember that we are the one Son of God, let alone recall making the decision to separate from our Source. Despite that, the practice of forgiveness itself- which is the way we apply the Course- is infinitely effective and practical.

DON’T DISREGARD YOUR LIFE PROBLEMS- FORGIVE THEM

It doesn’t matter how big or small your ‘hard times’ seem to be on a scale of how life threatening they may be- whether we’re talking world-war level to first-world-problems level. Don’t disregard them. Don’t minimize how troubled you feel. Don’t ignore the issues that come up in your life.

There’s no need to compare your suffering to those of others. Only the ego is interested in you doing this, and its purpose is purely to belittle you. It’d like you to categorize how minor or monstrous your problems are, only so it can consequently prove how much of a whinger you are (because of how trivial your issues seem relative to those of others: putdown 1), or how much of a forever-victim you are (because your problems seem so much bigger and more serious than those of others: putdown 2). Pick your attack- that is always the only option the ego ever offers us.

What you could do instead is to simply acknowledge your problems and bring your concerns, your fear, your pains, to the alter of forgiveness within you. That’s all we’re really asked to do. Bring all your problems within to look at with Jesus. As he implores us in ACIM, we must keep nothing from him in our work together.

Watch carefully and see what it is you are really asking for. Be very honest with yourself in this, for we must hide nothing from each other. (ACIM, T-4.III.8:1-2)

MAKE FORGIVENESS AN AUTOMATIC HABIT OF RESPONSE TO EVERYTHING

That is the heart of forgiveness. You want to apply it. And you want to make the practice a habit- a habit of response so automatic that it becomes second nature.

Only the self-accused condemn. As you prepare to make a choice that will result in different outcomes, there is first one thing that must be overlearned. It (forgiveness) must become a habit of response so typical of everything you do that it becomes your first response to all temptation, and to every situation that occurs. Learn this, and learn it well, for it is here (through forgiveness that) delay of happiness is shortened by a span of time you cannot realize. (ACIM, T-31.III.1:1-4. Italics mine.)

We want to grow to rely on forgiveness as a tool we whip out in response to our every distress because of its indiscriminate usefulness. Forgiveness can help in any situation because it heals your mind, which is always the true source of any and every problem.  A delightfully reinforcing side-effect of the process is that it will also help you feel better- more at peace- in the here and now, irrespective of whether your problem appears to be resolved in form or not.

You will feel better because you will be learning to view your problems differently: non-judgmentally with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. This will replace our usual inner companion of choice- the ego and its seemingly endless reel of condemning narratives. What this means specifically is that you will learn to recognize and release all the wrong-minded judgements and beliefs that keep you in a state of perpetual suffering.

As a result, you will no longer continue to use the difficulties you may be experiencing in form to keep you from experiencing the love, peace and joy of God that is always within you. Instead, you will be learning that you can remember, accept, and increasingly experience peace of mind right here, right now- regardless of what is happening in your life- if you so choose.

FORGIVENESS IS YOUR FUNCTION

Once you’ve accepted- even if only a little- the idea that forgiveness can actually help, committing to practicing forgiveness day-in and day-out is the next step. This will teach you that there really is no order of difficulty in miracles or healing because there is no hierarchy of illusions.

Miracles (forgiveness-facilitated changes of mind from wrong to right-mindedness) demonstrate that learning has occurred under the right guidance (the Holy Spirit’s), for learning is invisible and what has been learned can be recognized only by its (inner) results (peace). Its generalization is demonstrated as you use it (forgiveness) in more and more situations. You will recognize that you have learned there is no order of difficulty in miracles (miracles, forgiveness and healing are used synonymously) when you apply them (forgiveness) to all situations. There is no situation to which miracles (making the choice to be right-minded by practicing forgiveness) do not apply, and by applying them (forgiveness) to all situations you will gain the real world. For in this holy perception (right-mindedness) you will be made whole, and the Atonement will radiate from your acceptance of it for yourself to everyone the Holy Spirit sends you for your blessing. (ACIM, T-12.VII.1:1-5. Italics mine.)

You may be tempted to judge your problems as hopeless, as too big to overcome, or perhaps you might judge them as too insignificant to pay attention to. Neither ego-planted and blessed excuse matters. Whether you think your case is too hopeless or too minor to bother with, the result will be the same. You will avoid using your life experiences for the only purpose Jesus asks you to embrace and accept as your one true function according to the Course.

Forgiveness is the only function here, and serves to bring the joy this world denies to every aspect of God’s Son where sin was thought to rule. (ACIM, T-26.VII.8:5)

My function here is to forgive the world for all the errors I have made. For thus am I released from them with all the world. (ACIM, W-115.1:2-3)

TO JUDGE & SELECT WHAT YOU OUGHT TO FORGIVE IS EQUIVALENT TO SIDING WITH THE EGO

And yet, when you fail to forgive, you insist that your problem is too big, too intractable, too unsolvable. In other words, you imply that you cannot be helped. You are right, and Jesus is wrong. Unsurprisingly, this mirrors our original Authority problem in which we insisted that we were right and God was wrong.

When you insist on being the judge of your problems, you essentially side with the ego. When you call them too meaningless and small to address and forgive, you imply that you’re okay with tolerating some seemingly small pockets of darkness within your mind. To your own detriment, you mistakenly assume they don’t have the power to dent your inner peace. And yet they do, while you remain too afraid to look at them and question their validity.

When you maintain that there must be an order of difficulty in miracles (miracles/forgiveness/healing are used synonymously), all you mean is that there are some things you would withhold from truth. You believe truth cannot deal with them only because you would keep them from truth. Very simply, your lack of faith in the power that heals all pain arises from your wish to retain some aspects of reality for fantasy. If you but realized what this must do to your appreciation of the whole! What you reserve for yourself, you take away from Him Who would release you. Unless you give it back, it is inevitable that your perspective on reality be warped and uncorrected. (ACIM, T-17.I.3:1-6. Italics mine.)

TO EXCLUDE ANY PROBLEM FROM FORGIVENESS IS TO KEEP SOME DARKNESS FROM THE LIGHT, & KEEP SOME FEAR OVER PEACE

One of the illusions by which sickness is perceived as real is the belief that illness varies in intensity; that the degree of threat differs according to the form it takes. Herein lies the basis of all errors, for all of them are but attempts to compromise by seeing just a little bit of hell. This is a mockery so alien to God that it must be forever inconceivable. But the insane believe it because they are insane. (ACIM, P-2.IV.8:2-5)

Jesus asks us not to be the judge of whether or not something can be used to practice forgiveness. He implores us to use everything- to make no exceptions. The ego would have you believe that overlooking something won’t hurt or make a difference. Although problems in form are never the “real” problem (only our belief in the reality of separation is), by shielding them from forgiveness, you are ignoring the fact that they symbolically represent your belief in sin and guilt. They demonstrate that you have already made the wrong-minded thought system real to you.

You further ensure your life problems- and the secret inner problem they are all a symptom of- remain real to you and have the power to affect you, by not looking at them. Thus, you fail to recognize that they are merely illusions that do not have the ability to keep you from the peace or joy or God, and can be corrected at their root in the mind.

Do not allow your intent to waver in the face of distracting thoughts. Realize that, whatever form such thoughts may take, they have no meaning and no power. Replace them with your determination to succeed. Do not forget that your will has power over all fantasies and dreams. Trust it to see you through, and carry you beyond them all. (ACIM, W-rII.in.4:1-5)

THERE IS NO PROBLEM TOO BIG OR SMALL FOR FORGIVENESS

When it comes to forgiveness, the bottom line is that some problems are not too big, and others are not too small. They are all equally unreal shadows that are suitable subjects for our practice. They all have the same ability to lead us back to peace and joy if we choose to use them for that purpose- to free us from the pain of our imaginary guilt and fear, and belief in sin.

When I was at the bottom of the barrel in my own life, I felt completely overwhelmed by the apparent magnitude of the task before me. On paper, my to-do list to tackle my most pressing problems included:

• overcome disordered eating (first anorexia and later overeating)
• overcome my fear and guilt around food
• overcome my self-hatred and body-hatred
• learn how to eat enough, nutritiously and regularly like a “normal” person (something that was daunting and unthinkable at the time)
• overcome depression
• overcome anxiety
• somehow find a way to keep functioning in the world
• learn how to socialize with others again
• learn how to get my brain online again so I could re-learn how to focus, write and comprehend what I read (abilities that were impossible at the height of anorexia)

Despite only wanting to achieve some of those things (I didn’t want to “recover” from anorexia at the time, I just didn’t want its consequences) it all felt insurmountable. The urge to throw in the towel was literally a moment-to-moment temptation I battled every day. In fact, that’s actually the path I was already on, and the forward momentum driving me to that path’s logical end felt far more natural and easier to be swept up in: too difficult to stop, let alone try to swim and win against.

YOU DON’T NEED TO BE FREE OF CONFLICT OR A TRUE BELIEVER TO FORGIVE- YOU JUST NEED TO BE SICK OF SUFFERING

If you feel that way about anything at all- however weighty it may seem to be- the Course’s message is simple. Do not give up. Do not give in. If you have any interest in not suffering anymore, in any form, regardless of whether that seems possible or not, don’t throw in the towel. Don’t let the ego convince you that peace and joy is impossible. It is not.

Focus on your willingness. All is possible with your willingness and the Holy Spirit and Jesus’ support. You don’t even need to fully believe it. Just focus on implementing the means he assures us will free you from your pain- forgiveness. The results will speak for themselves and take care of your vacillating faith.

Refuse to be sidetracked into detours, illusions and thoughts of death. You are dedicated to salvation. Be determined each day not to leave your function unfulfilled. (ACIM, W-rII.in.5:2-4)

FOCUS ON YOUR INNER EXPERIENCE, NOT EXTERNAL OUTCOMES

It is possible to shift from an internal experience of living hell to one of peace and joy. Let your inner experience be your focus. Questions to regularly ask yourself throughout the day to get into the habit of checking in with your inner world include:

• How do I feel? What’s my general mood like?
• What am I generally thinking about and how?
• What conclusions am I drawing from the experiences and people I encounter in my life?
• Are they in alignment with the ego’s wrong-minded thought system and thus reflect back to me my hidden belief in attack, sin, guilt, fear, and suffering? If yes > forgive.
• Or do my feelings, thoughts and interpretations regarding my experiences reflect the peace, joy, love and strength of the Holy Spirit’s right-minded thought system? If no > forgive.

EXPECT RESISTANCE- BE WILLING TO START & KEEP FORGIVING ANYWAY

Expect to encounter anything from tepid, to ferociously epic, resistance to walking this path. That is not indicative of failure but rather of growth in awareness. You are becoming more aware of your own ego and wrong-minded thought system. This is heading in the right-direction. However, its just as important to know that the painful awareness that you have a wrong mind is not the final destination. It’s only half the journey, but a necessary step to then becoming aware of your right mind.

Your ego’s imaginary existence is threatened when you practice forgiveness because you’re shining a light on that which can only “live” in the dark but has no reality at all in the light. What further makes this difficult is that a part of your mind also mistakenly believes itself to be the ego.

We said before that the ego vacillates between suspiciousness and viciousness. It remains suspicious as long as you despair of yourself. It shifts to viciousness when you decide not to tolerate self-abasement and seek relief. (ACIM, T-9.VIII.2:7-10)

Expect it to marshal all its defenses against you turning away from it, dis-identifying with it, and attempting to remember and accept the truth. That you are not a body, therefore you are not a victim of the world you see, that you are not the ego, but the decision-making part of the mind, so sin, guilt, fear and suffering need not be a given.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, HELPLESS, OR POWERLESS

You have power and choice because not all of your mind is wrongly ego-identified. It’s only one part of your mind that believes the ego’s lies. The other part is unfalteringly loyal to, and reflects the light of truth. This part is represented by Jesus and the Holy Spirit; They will assist you.

You cannot fail because you are not alone. The Holy Spirit is with you; He accompanies and soothes you through every step along your journey. You just need to keep going, taking one tiny, and at times deeply hesitant, forgiveness step forward at a time.

The ego depends solely on your willingness to tolerate it. (ACIM, T-9.VIII.6:1)

THE JOURNEY IS OVER & IT’S HAPPY END IS INEVITABLE

Try not to let the shadows and fears that arise immobilize you. They are merely diversionary tactics employed by the ego to hold back your inevitable march towards the Truth. Even so, they do not have any power over you and being nothing in truth, they cannot hurt you.  You have all the power because you’re still one with God, so you just need to stop giving it away to the ego. Remember that, and harness that awareness of the strength within you to choose differently, more wisely, now. Choose to forgive.

Today is a day of special dedication. We take a stand on but one side today. We side with truth and let illusions go. We will not vacillate between the two, but take a firm position with the One. We dedicate ourselves to truth today, and to salvation as God planned it be (through forgiveness). We will not argue it is something else. We will not seek for it where it is not (outside of our mind, in the world). In gladness we accept it as it is, and take the part assigned to us by God. (ACIM, W-98.1:1-8. Italics mine.)